Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
