Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize