Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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