I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
