He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
