I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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