when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
operation have a gay friend backfired
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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