After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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