shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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