i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
