ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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