all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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