She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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