i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
