I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
