I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
