I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
