I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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