ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
