one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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