hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
