Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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