Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
