When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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