i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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