i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Randomize
