Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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