Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she smelled like a LAN party
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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