whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
