i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
