Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
