Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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