I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
