a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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