what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
