I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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