I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
