Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Randomize
