Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
