Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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