dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize