theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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