Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
being pregnant is like rehab
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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