why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
