It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
