every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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