you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
love makes seman taste better
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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