I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
