Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
