There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
