So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
