Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
