omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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