Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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