i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
