i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
