Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
