i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize