I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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