Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
