Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
