rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
