Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
