I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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