Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
