Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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