I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
