can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize