I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
