i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize