I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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