I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
