okay pat passed out under dana's car
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
