I hate all girls vehemently.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
